Keeping the pieces together

A local family proves that divorce doesn’t have to divisive, By Lori Price Sparta - Like most families of children in a school play or concert, members of Jacqueline Ziegler’s immediate family also sit proudly close to the front row, armed with cameras, smiles and waves. The only difference is that this immediate family practically takes up an entire row. Jacqueline’s parents are divorced. But don’t feel sorry for her. She has it better than most children of divorces. Her grandmother, brother, mother, father, stepfather and stepmother all share one common bond: her. And she is a happy, well adjusted 11-year-old who clearly benefits from their relationship with her, as well as their relationships with one another. The fifth grader’s parents, Vicki and Christian, divorced when Jacqueline was a toddler and have both since remarried. Vicki married Bill and Christian wed Susan. Often, it’s hard to tell where one family ends and the other begins. The families appear more like one big family and less like a divorced couple. Vicki has no trouble remembering the date her ex-husband got married because it’s also the date of her own anniversary to second husband, Bill Foley. “They got married on my fifth wedding anniversary,” she said. “They asked if we would mind if they picked that date and we said it was okay. In fact, Bill and I attended the wedding with Jacqueline and had a great time.” In his toast at the reception, Christian acknowledged his family, including his ex-wife Vicki, as well as his former mother-in-law. “He went on to thank the man (Bill) whom he shares his fatherly duties with,” she continued. “It was very emotional.” Recently, they discovered that Bill’s dad and Susan’s dad knew each other. Both worked as firefighters at the same fire house in Harlem. “How ironic is that?” asked Vicki. Vicki and Bill have a two-year-old son, Michael, while Christian and Susan recently had their first child together, a boy named Vaughn James. The new baby was welcomed not only by his parents, but also by the entire Ziegler/Foley clan. From the children’s perspective, it’s one big, happy family. Jacqueline’s little brother, Michael, is often seen in the arms or on the lap of one of his favorite people, his sister’s dad, Christian. n Golfing buddies “We all live in Sparta and see each other often,” said Vicki. “Bill and Christian sometimes golf together and we all celebrate holidays together. Overall, we try to help each other out whenever we can. “When my father died three years ago,” she continued, “Christian was there 100 percent for me. He is truly part of my family. I’m sure some people think we’re insane, but for us it’s a totally natural situation.” The situation was not always so perfect. According to Vicki, the divorce was ugly at times and emotionally draining. One day, Bill and Christian ran into each other while golfing at the same course. “It was very awkward for both men,” said Vicki. “Finally, Bill went up to Christian and said something to the effect of, ‘We don’t have to like each other, in fact, we can hate each other forever, but there is a little girl whose well-being is at stake here. If for no other reason than for her, we have the ability to turn a really bad situation into an acceptable one.’ “Christian then reached out to shake Bill’s hand and thanked him for caring about his daughter,” she continued. “The healing began for us from that day forward.” The couples both know their situation is rare and are thankful that Jacqueline never had to live through the divorce tugs-of-war that so many children experience. They have made huge strides in their relationships since 1996 and now they truly feel like family. “We are very proud of where we are right now,” said Vicki. “If only one other couple going through a divorce can remember our situation and make an attempt to change their thinking, only good can come of it, for everyone involved.”