Same old grind

Once upon a time, when teens went to dances, the girls sat on one side of the gymnasium wearing flowery dresses and cardigan sweaters while the boys, dressed in shirts and ties, sat on the other. As the evening progressed, some of the fellows mustered the courage to ask a damsel to take to the floor while others, on both sides, remained “wall flowers.” Fast forward to the year 2007. Nowadays, many girls get dropped off at dances wearing tight jeans, make-up and tops that would cause their great grandparents - who scandalized their parents by dancing the Charleston - to roll over in their graves. Indeed, “scandalous” dance fads are nothing new. More than a century ago, parents and grandparents tried to stop a younger generation from dancing the waltz. And it’s doubtful that there has yet been a dance as sinuously sensual as the tango. What’s different today is that girls are no longer waiting for boys to ask them to dance. Many have no problem asking them to dance and even initiating “sexy” dance moves. The boys have a whole dress code of their own, which may include baggy jeans that fall below their waist to reveal their “oh so fashionable” boxers. George Orwell wasn’t thinking of this when he wrote “1984,” but he probably wouldn’t be surprised to know that “Big Brother” in the form of parents, chaperones and school administrations are watching and trying to keep things “dignified.” Internet video-posting sites are full of sights such as a teenage boy dancing behind his winter-formal date, hands on her hips, thrusting his pelvis against her while she hitches up her satiny gown and bends at the waist. In Concord, N.H., furor over what Concord High School administrators called an “overtly sexual” style of dancing at school dances split the school community this past fall: some defended the students’ right to dance however they wanted, while others believed the moves were just plain inappropriate. The principal, Gene Connoly, sided with the latter, saying the school would cancel all remaining dances, including homecoming, unless the students stepped forward to stop the “grinding.” In Sussex County and across the nation, parents worry that dances are now more about enticing legs, arms wrapped around waists, lips pressed to lips, and chests pressed to chests: a far cry from the 50s when boys kept a proper arms length distance under penalty of “death” from overprotective fathers, but not that far from the 60s, when the Twist was considered lewd, or the 80s, when disco dancing was en vogue. Schools and parents, by and large, may be much more liberal today than in the 50s, but as a Sparta couple who recently grounded their son for suggestive dancing, said, “Some lines have to be drawn when it comes to dress and the type of dancing the teens are doing.” Though most teens and parents interviewed for this article wanted to remain anonymous, the teens were quick to “tell it like it is” when granted anonymity. Their common response was: “You just have to swear you won’t use my name. My mom would kill me.” Then came the reality: “Yes, we dance that way and dress like we want to.” Under what circumstances? “Whenever we can get away with it.” “I just go to my friend’s house and change there before dances,” and other social events that aren’t school sanctioned, one teen said. One student who would go on record is Cameron Rohsler, an eighth grader at Kittatinny Middle School. “Yes, kids do ‘grind ‘at school dances,“ he said, adding that chaperones “stop the grinding” because “they see it as inappropriate. If guys do that, they will be asked to leave. If girls dance together, they’re asked to stop, but not to leave,” Rohsler said. Amanda Jones graduated from Kittatinny Regional High School last year and is now a freshman at Christopher Newport University in Virginia. She said, “Yeah, grinding is the new thing to do. I don’t think that any [Kittatinny] dances have ever been cancelled, but chaperones have quite a lot of work to do.” Remembering her high school days, Jones said, “Sometimes, the kids would get kinda nasty with it. It’s pretty much the girl rubbing her butt all over the guy and you just move to the beat. “There’s way too much touchy-feely stuff that goes on in my opinion. But you can’t help but do it because everybody else is doing it at the dances, and you’re supposed to dance like everybody else.” At Wallkill Valley Regional High School, director of Student Activities, John Petronaci, said, “Our kids are pretty good with stuff like that,” referring to staying away from provocative dancing. “If there is any sort of incident of that, a chaperone would go up to the kids and ask them to stop.” No suspensions would be instituted, Petronaci said, “But we would tell the kids that wasn’t acceptable.” A girl named Jennifer, who attends a northern Sussex County high school, didn’t think there’s cause for grown-up alarm. “I think the way you dance is an expression and all in good fun, including grinding,” she said, adding that kids are just doing what they see in the media. “You see that stuff in movies and in music videos, and it’s like if popular celebs are dancing that way, you want to dance and dress that way too.” After all, the original hip-grinder was that idol of the 50s, Elvis “The Pelvis” Presley, whose gyrations were considered so outrageous television cameras didn’t show him from the waist down when he debuted on the Ed Sullivan Show. Some schools, like Frankford Middle School, have spelled out dance protocol in their student handbooks, as part of the “behavior expectations of the school.” In keeping with this, Frankford Middle School has a strict dress code policy, specifically stating that “garments designed to be worn as underwear may not be worn as outerwear. Bare midriffs, backless, excessively tight or revealing garments, tank tops of any sort and short shorts are not acceptable. Shorts must be worn at mid-thigh.” Since dress seems an integral part of the new style of dancing, Vernon also has strict rules regarding dress: “If it is a formal dance, students are required to dress in formal attire with most wearing jackets and ties. If it is not a formal dance, students are required to dress in a way that is not sexually suggestive, or offensive to others. Students who fail to dress accordingly will be asked to leave or find dress that is suitable. Parents will be called to collect students who fail to follow the dress code,” said Vernon Township High School Principal Tim Dunnigan. Jones said the irony of the whole “grinding” issue is seeing how younger kids deal with it. As a high school peer leader, she has had the opportunity to supervise younger kids at their dances. “The satire of the whole thing is watching the younger kids. It’s almost like you’re in the 50s. A boy will finally get his nerve up to ask a girl to dance and then they stand as far apart as they can and barely touch,” Jones laughed. “And then you think to yourself, ‘Gee, in a few years, bet they’ll be grinding.’”